*All photos courtesy of Heather, the snake charmer.
*** I would also like to point out that I realize black snakes are not venomous, but this particular black snake decided to take up residence under our house and was a threat to our chicken eggs so he had to go. I'm sorry if this offends you. You may not want to read any further if you're an advocate for snakes.
Uhm. Here we go.
Let's see. I invited my wonderful friend down for a 'field trip' to our house and she brought her two kids and the two kids she was babysitting, so between the two of us, we had seven kids at our house today. She gets here, I let her in through the front of the house. I give her a brief tour, and we make our way out the back door, yes THE back door where Mr. Snake has made a home. I, being the awesome mom that I am, put my 20 month outside first (with the dogs) and who is there waiting at the back door? Yes, Mr. Snake.
What does my 20 month do, well he walks right up to him to touch him. Luckily my friend Heather and her cat-like reflexes sees this (I did not, the dog was blocking my view of the snake, I didn't even know he was out there) and grabs my son and hollers for all the kids to stay where they are.
I may have peed myself at this point, I'll never confirm that though, and with shaking hands ran to get two shovels.
Mr. Snake was coiled up though and being COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY TERRIFIED of snakes, I did not want to try and cut his head off while he was coiled up. I stood there with the shovel with seven kids waiting for me to do something and I couldn't. I was scared. So, I ran inside quickly, called my huth-band, and tried to load the shotgun. My hands were shaking like crazy though and I couldn't get the dag gone thing loaded. I heard yelling and screaming, so I ran back outside, and hung up the phone on Micah and the last thing he heard was me freaking out and then yelling (we'll come back to this part). Apparently Mr. Snake made a run for it and Heather, being way more brave than me, took a shovel to his head and held him there.
Now Mr. Snake was not dead, oh no, but Heather was able to keep her shovel on his head while I literally cut the poopie doopie out of him with my shovel. Have you ever tried to cut through a snake with a shovel? It's not that easy. I finally managed to cut his head off, dripping with sweat, still shaking, forever greatful to my friend for saving my son from a snake bite and also doing what I couldn't. I did have the where-with-all to yell to the kids 'Don't watch, Mommy's crazy!" Right. Because they weren't already scarred for life.
But it doesn't end there. Oh no. Remember the phone call I made to Micah? Yah, well he panicked. He didn't hear back from me and was concerned that I may have shot myself in the foot or something much worse, So he called the Police.
Yes, he called the Police.
Meanwhile Heather and I stood there over the dead snake for a minute then, forgetting to call Micah back, went on and attempted to continue the 'field trip'. I went on and showed the kids the animals, fed them, and we walked back to the pigs. We were having a grand ol' time. After the animal tour my oldest son and I managed to put the snake in a bag and then I threw him back in the burn pile. Not the best place maybe, but it's all I could muster.
And then two police cars pulled into the drive, and three officers got out. Uh oh. They then proceeded to tell us that they had gotten a call that a crazy lady was shooting off a gun in the house.
Wa-what! I may be crazy, but I wouldn't shoot a gun in the house. (On purpose.) I jokingly told them I may be blonde, but I would never shoot a gun off inside. (They didn't find it as funny as I did though.)
Anyway, Heather and I explained the story of what really happened and they were all very kind and even wanted to see the dead snake. (Uhm, gross.) We all stood there and talked for a bit, one of them was a Marine too so he shook my hand and told me to tell my hubby Semper Fi. They gave stickers to the kids and flashed their lights for them and did their siren thingy. Again, the police officers were all very nice but I felt bad they got a call to come out, but it just added to the days events and the kids all thought it was SUPER cool to have three Sheriff's in the drive. They went on their way and then I called my hubby back.
Oops. Sorry dear. I promise I won't ever call you in a panic again while trying to load a gun and then hang up on you leaving you. To. Freak. Out.
And that's the story. The story of a dead snake. Heather and her kids stayed for another couple of hours and we had a great time. I hope she comes back though. I promise next time I will not require her to fend off any snakes and/or speak with the Police. I hope.
It's a good thing I've got lots of clean underwear.