Monday, October 26, 2015

Motherhood

Today wasn't my best. It wasn't my shining moment. But maybe some days just aren't. I was running late this morning, per usual, I rushed my kids out of their warm cozy beds, I snapped at them when they didn't want my homemade English muffin and egg breakfast. I was short with my daughter when she asked me to put her hair in a bun (which takes infinitely more time than my go-to side braid). It was a Monday morning, that was for sure. And after school didn't get much better. My little man got an F on his assignment today (see my previous post), and we came home to cat puke in the living room and three tired, hungry, grumpy kids. And maybe a tired and hungry, grumpy mommy. Some days are just better than others I guess. My kids  weren't bad, they weren't, they really are great kids, and I love them to pieces, but today, well, today I lost my shit. I cooked dinner, I cleaned up after dinner, we checked homework, I unpacked and re-packed lunches and then I put a movie on for my kids and left them and their daddy for a bit while I ran through the woods behind our house. I'm not an evening worker-outer. I get up at 4 dark thirty to hit the gym so that I can have my evenings with my family, but tonight... I just needed half an hour.

And I felt guilty. The whole time I was running. Like what kind of a person am I? Why was I running when I could be cuddled on the couch with my kiddos? Why was I so stressed out today. I mean I just had a girls night out to myself, kid free a mere two days ago.

And maybe society is to blame. Maybe I feel so much pressure to keep it together and not lose my shit that on the rare occasion when I do, I feel like a failure.

But about twenty minutes in, I realized that taking a few minutes to myself doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't mean I failed. It doesn't mean that tomorrow won't be better. It means I'm human, and sometimes I make mistakes. And it means that it's okay to lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes every so often, or have a glass of wine after bedtime, or go run 3 miles at night, or go have a girls night every few months.

I'm not perfect and neither are you. We like to act like we are on social media, and that's okay. Nobody wants to put the messy parts of our lives out for all to see. But parenting is messy. And motherhood is messy, and being an adult is messy. It's okay to have off days. Really. But tomorrow is a new day. And I've already decided it's going to be better. I've also decided I'm going to stop for a 24 ounce coffee as opposed to my usual 16.

So here's to you mama. Life is rough, some days are crap, some days are awesome. But pick yourself up and put your big girl panties on after you've had a rough day and make the next one even better.

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